How I’m feeling

Monday, April 21, 2014

How I'm feeling

No words needed


Man troubles

Monday, April 21, 2014

You know how fairy tales end with “and they lived happily ever after”? I have never really filled in the gap after. I’ve always wondered what one does with the husband after marriage. Do you sit him at a table, polish him up and swear to yourself that you’ve bagged the best one yet? Do you pat each other’s back in smug satisfaction? What do you do that is different from or better than a boyfriend? I mean, really, when it’s just you and your shiny new wife together in a room, how is it any different from the day before the marriage?

I made the mistake of asking the person I thought was my best friend, my confidant and the one person I could admit to not having all my feminine skills and wiles to: my boyfriend. It has boomeranged spectacularly against me. World war 3 to be precise: he’s gone from laughing at me to calling me mad and recommending psychiatric evaluation to saying that I’m questioning his validity as a person. We have been fighting about this for the last three days. He’s gone canvassing the internet to see what other people will say.  I thought that being the man’s role, he’d have a ready answer to this. Instead, it’s come down to the fact that all women should know this and if you don’t you are abnormal.

Perhaps I’m overreacting, but if you can’t admit you don’t know something to your potential husband without it blowing up the world, then you are not well fit for each other, are you? I have heard over and over again that communication is important in a relationship, whether married or not, but I’m now staring at the reality that I cannot really talk to or feel free with this man as I expected. What sort of relationship will this be if I have to suppress my curious self, hide things from him and talk to third parties to get answers?

Mind you, I related this question when replaying a conversation I had with mum before she died, so it wasn’t even something directly or indirectly aimed at him as I asked this long before he came into my life. I have now consulted 2 friends and they advised me to keep the peace by not asking this guy such questions. I think this is the beginning of the end of this relationship.


Social media, Fear Of Missing Out and faked reality

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Social media, Fear Of Missing Out and faked reality

L’Wren Scott, girlfriend of Mick Jagger who has now died, turns out to have been living a lie. And she’s not the only one from the sounds of this article.


New job, 2 months in and i hate the colleague

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

to make things worse, we are in a team of five. Five! It’s suffocating.

I came from a background  where everyone was a colleague and a friend. This is certainly a nasty change.


In a sombre mood

Monday, February 17, 2014

I’ve become a slacker in some ways. I haven’t posted anything for years, and yet life goes on. Actually, at this point I’m still in mourning as our mother passed away last October. Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse. Absolutely nothing. One feels helpless, angry, bitter, jealous, repulsed at oneself, regretful of the choices I made in the past… the list is endless. To make matters worse, she died one month before I was to get home for the holidays. Also, about 6 months before she was to come and visit me abroad. I feel that I failed her, that I never became the daughter she wished for, that I didn’t live up to what I wanted to do for her, and that I’m a colossal failure. There are so many things I wanted her to experience and I did not get to do them. Plus, there’s the injustice of it all. Why must the one person who’s most needed by the family die while other families have four generations still living? How fair is that? What sort of formula does God use to determine which person he’s going to let die today? Am I allowed to question him on the wisdom of this choice? If not, why not? Is there a time when I’ll feel happy again?

Anyway, as the oldest in our family now, I can’t afford to feel sorry for myself. Read the rest of this entry »


I have just discovered Nairobi Nights

Friday, October 28, 2011

The blog by a harlot on the streets of Nairobi who makes no apologies or begs for pity for peddling her goodies and lying, cheating, stealing and peeing her way through the hassles of such a lifestyle. I actually admire her for being blunt and honest about her life. It does take a lot of married men to keep her in business, and they don’t get stigmatised for it at all. That said, her attempts to sound clever and witty make her come off as a poor man’s Belle Du Jour.

I was hooked from her first blog post.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009


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